Thankful

This has been a rough month. In spite of the heartbreak I'm feeling for the Christiansen's, though, I'm feeling incredibly thankful. We hosted 2 benefits for Team Avery in November and both were very well attended and we raised over $10,000! It was so humbling to see people who had never even met Jeremy, Jenn or Avery come out to support them both figuratively and financially. So many people helped make both events so successful. It just left me in awe of how lucky we are. This circle of friends, family, and co-workers I have is pretty amazing.
This year for Thanksgiving we celebrated with friends rather than family. We went to the Kruger's for dinner and had a great meal with Devin, Lori, Dayton, Eric and Julianna. We were pretty impressed that we were able to pull off a full, traditional holiday meal without the assistance of "real adults," aka our parents.
Friday night I had a girls night out with Jenn and her mom, Kristie, Jen Curtis and her mom and sister, Brenda and Ashley, and my mom. We had a great dinner on the Plaza. I forgot how crazy the Plaza is at Christmas time. Wow. It took 20 minutes to get from the west side of the plaza to the east side. But, the Plaza is beautiful at this time of year, the dinner was great and the company was excellent so it was all worthwhile!
Saturday we went to Lincoln to celebrate Thanksgiving with the Eginoire side of the family. It was great to see everyone...especially the newest member of the family: Baby Zoe! She's beautiful and perfect and we're all in love. Especially Harper. He's been talking about her all day today.
We put up the Christmas decorations today, so it's officially Christmas at the Pealer household. Harper took a really long nap this afternoon. When he went down we hadn't done much decorating, but when he woke up the garland and lights were up. He stepped out of his room to see the decorated banister and said "woooo! That's beautiful, Mommy!" That reaction and excitement is EXACTLY what is going to make Christmas so fun this year. And I'm going to soak up every second of his awe over the season. He is the most amazing gift we've ever been given and I plan to enjoy him to the fullest.

Ugh...

So this past week has been a rough one. Avery had her scans last week and they found that her cancer has returned and we don't have much time left with her. It's heartbreaking. And infuriating. And sickening. And scary. And horrific. And I could go on and go. This is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and instead I'm having to watch it happen to my best friend. The girl I would do anything for, I suddenly CAN'T do anything for. There is nothing I can do to make this better or take the pain away and it's killing me. I want to have the answers. I want to know what to say. But I don't. And I'm not going to. So, I'm just going to fumble my way through this one and try to be the best friend I can be. Try to support her and her husband and their families. I'm going to love on that little girl as much as I can. And I'm going to pray and I'm going ask everyone I know to pray. That's all I know for sure how to do.
The bright spot in this past week was our trip to Iowa for the weekend. We went to my parents' house to celebrate my mom's birthday. It had been far too long since we'd spent a weekend up there and it was good for my soul. I swear, no matter how old you get, when life gets hard, your mommy always has a way of making it better. We had dinner as a family on Friday night at a Japanese steak house and I've decided that's the way to go with a 2 year old. He was thoroughly entertained the entire time and behaved like a perfect little angel. And he ate more zucchini than I've ever seen anyone eat. What more can a mom ask for? Saturday I had a girls day with my mom and sister-in-law and we had a great time! Lunch, shopping, and pedicures...3 of my favorite things!
Well...I suppose it's bedtime. And I have a lot of praying to do before I go to sleep so I best get going.

Fall Is In Full Swing

First a forewarning...this is going to be long. It has to be because I've slacked off and haven't written in a long time, but we've been doing so much fun stuff over the past month that I don't want to miss documenting!


It's definitely fall and we've been so busy, but it's been great! We've done so many fun things... a couple of which involved Iowa State football! Well I guess if we're going to get technical 1 of those events also included Iowa football, which is only relevant because my sweet husband is unfortunately an Iowa fan and he feels pretty strongly about our son also growing up to be an Iowa fan. We'll see about that. Although, after the way Iowa State played this year, I don't know if I could blame him if he grew up to be a Hawk fan. He would at least probably lead to a life with far less hearbreak than we Cyclone fans are accostomed to. Anyway, my point was we watched the Iowa State vs. Iowa game with a great group of fun Iowa people. We also went to the Iowa State/K-State game at Arrowhead. It didn't turn out like we clones fans would have liked, (yes, more heartbreak,)but it was still so great to spend time with great friends cheering on our team, and even better that I got to do it 10 minutes from our home! If only all ISU games were played in KC!







We celebrated Thad's 32nd Birthday on the 22nd of September. We had dinner with Harper at Carabba's and then came home for ice cream cake with our neighbors. Thad even let us sing Happy Birthday, which is very non-Thad-like. He said it was for the kids, but I don't know...he may have even enjoyed it a bit himself. Although, you'll notice by the lack of pictures that he didn't enjoy it enough to allow me to catch it on film. We went out the weekend after his birthday with good friends. We had a great dinner and a fun night listening to live music at a cute little spot in downtown Lee's Summit. I love to find great little locally owned spots! Again...no pictures to prove it, but I promise we had fun!

We have also enjoyed another one of our favorite fall traditions...the pumpkin patch! We love it so much, we've actually been twice. Once with the Christiansen's and then again with the Kruger's and Dooley's. We go to this great pumpkin patch that also has a bunch of farm animals and activities for the kiddos. We could really probably take Harper there every weekend and he'd never get tired of it!





Fall brings one other very important event...Thad and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary this past week. 3 years. It's gone so fast, but it also seems like we've been together forever. I can't remember what my life was like without him. I do know this much...everything has been so much better with him by my side. I'm a lucky, lucky girl. We celebrated by having a great dinner at one of our favorite restaurants last weekend and even going out for a couple drinks afterward. It was so nice! We don't do date nights nearly often enough.

So, the fall decorations are out. The yummy smelling candles are burning. Up next: Halloween! We can't wait! I'm already buying candy since we have like a million trick or treaters in this neighborhood...it's so fun!

September Already??

I cannot believe it’s already September. I know I say this every year, but really, where did the summer go?!? I love summer…I’m not ready for it to be coming to an end. Luckily we have pretty warm weather through most of September, so we’ll have to soak in these last precious opportunities to eat on patios, go for walks, and play on the swing set. Thad just asked me the other day what we’re going to do this winter when it’s snowing and freezing cold and Harper still wants to play outside every night. Hmm…sounds like a great opportunity for father-son bonding time, if you ask me!
I had my ladies dinner club last night and it was fabulous! We had wonderful Mexican food, delicious sangria, great conversation and “sprinkled” Tiffany with fun little girl gifts and passed her new baby, Brently, around the table. She dozed contentedly through the whole thing. Dinner club is apparently a bore to her! Holding a new baby and seeing all the darling baby girl clothes and accessories has officially given me a bad case of baby fever! Yikes!
Tonight Harper and I get hang out with baby Dayton…Harper refers to him as “my Dayton” and I just think it’s so cute. Those boys are going to be the best of friends I bet, which will just make their daddies so proud.

Home...For Now

We got home on Wednesday! The trip was amazing and I'm so thankful that we made the decision to go. Africa was never on my top 10 list, actually probably wouldn't have even made the top 20, but it was wonderful. Totally a trip that everyone should try to take at least once. I don't really consider myself someone who gets excited about seeing animals, but there is something so cool about seeing all those animals in their natural habitat. Plus, it's absolutely beautiful there.
It was also the first time that Thad and I had gone away together and left Harper for more than a weekend. It was good for us. We need to make a concious effort to go somewhere at least once a year. I had lots of anxiety over how I was going to do without him. I had no concerns on how he'd do without us. I knew he would be happy as a clam with his grandparents. I actually did really good, though. Sure, I missed him, but I was really fine. We kept so busy for most of the trip that I really didn't have much time to think about how much I was missing him. Our last 2 days allowed for a lot more free time and so that paired with the fact that it had been a LONG time since I'd seen him made me really start missing him. I was definitely ready to get on that plane and come home. I was giddy with excitement as we were landing in KC. He was a little mad at us, but quickly warmed up and forgave us. I took the day off on Thursday to spend snuggling and loving on him and it was exactly what we both needed.
Now I have to leave again tomorrow for a work trip to Indianapolis. I'll be back early Sunday night, so it's a quick trip. I still hate that I'm leaving him again so soon, though. Oh well, such is life I guess.
On another note, Harper has realized his deep passion for the show Yo Gabba Gabba. One might say he is obsessed. He is asking us to turn it on all the time. Yesterday we had to leave a friend's house because she didn't have Yo Gabba available On Demand and he wouldn't let it drop. Oh my. Let's hope this is a phase and it passes quickly. I never thought I'd be watching this crap.

Just a Litte Late

We're still going to Africa...just leaving a little later than we'd anticipated. Last night as we were enjoying what we thought was our last hour with Harper before he went to bed, Thad got a call from his mom. His dad had suddenly lost his short term memory. He was fine and went to take a shower and then after the shower he wasn't fine anymore. We quickly took Harper to our wonderful neighbors' house and headed for the hospital. It was so bizzare because he looked normal and healthly as a horse. He just didn't know a lot of basic information that he should have known. As the night progressed, he seemed to improve a little bit. There were definitley still some lapses, but he was starting to remember more and more. The CT scan showed there was no bleeding on the brain, and that was a big relief. At the end of all of it, they are thinking he's either had a mild stroke or some random thing that I can't even remember the name of. The important part is that he's going to be just fine. Thank goodness. I feel like we are still WAY to young to worry about our parents this way. We love Grandpa Mark and are so happy that he's going to be just fine.
So instead of leaving this morning because we wanted to wait for his MRI results, we are leaving Monday. We'll still fly into Africa with everyone else on the trip and everything will be just fine. And, to make this happy ending even happier, it means I got an extra 1 1/2 days with my boy. We made the most of it. We laid in bed and watched cartoons this morning and played in the pool this afternoon. Now we'll only have 7 full days that we don't see him. And 7 is so much more doable for me than 11, so I'm feelin' good!

The Best Laid Plans

So, I had every intention of writing on this blog daily and yeah, well, that just hasn't happened. In my defense, it's been a busy couple of weeks.
Thad and I were invited on a safari trip to Africa with an insurance company we do a lot of business with. It's an amazing opportunity...a trip of a lifetime, so we couldn't pass it up. But, it was a last minute invitation, so we've found ourselves scrambling to get prepared. And I've found myself having some serious anxiety about being away from Harper for 10 days. And being halfway around the world, so that even if I needed to get back to him, I couldn't. I'm not typically an anxious person, but I guess having children and being away from them will do that to you. He's going to spend the time with his grandparents. The first half with G&G Pealer and the second half with G&G Kirk. He's going to be spoiled rotten and have the time of his life! We leave this Sunday and I think I'm actually starting to get a little bit excited.
In the midst of planning for Africa, I also had a party to look forward to. My best friend and her little girl are finally home! Jenn and Avery have spent the last 7 months living in Memphis and Jacksonville so that Avery could receive treatment for her cancer. They are finally home and they had a BIG party to celebrate! It was amazing to see so many people come to their home to love on them and give them a proper welcome back! I'm just so happy for Jeremy and Jenn that they have their family back together in their own home. It's going to do wonders for their souls. And, having my best friend is going to be pretty great for me, too!
A lot of our sorority sisters came into town for the event, and it's always so wonderful to have my girls together. There is definitely just something about the women who know everything about you and love you anyway. We are spread over 6 states now and don't see each other as often as any of us would like due to families and jobs, but when we all get together it's like we're still sitting around the den at the AXO house rehashing the events from the night before. When I joined the house, I have to admit, my intentions were not the most noble. I thought I'd meet some really fun girls to party with, and um, I needed to make sure I had an in for all the frat parties of course. What I didn't really anticipate was that I was about to meet the women who would be part of my life. Forever. Sure, they were fun. And we partied. A lot. But then this amazing thing happened. We grew up. And we still stuck together. We've followed each others' careers, stood with each other as we married our husbands, held each others' brand new babies, and rallied together when of our own needed us more than we ever could have anticipated back in 1998 when we pledged to be sisters forever. I am blessed.

Happy Birthday Harper

Dear Harper,
You turned 2 yesterday. I can't believe it. 2 whole years since you were born. It was a wonderful day! You had so much fun with all of your little friends and you were just the sweetest boy. Which is pretty typical of how you are everyday. This has been a big year for you-you've experienced a lot of "firsts." You took your first steps at around 14 months old. You took your first airplane ride and dipped your toes into the ocean for the first time. You said your first words. You went to your first amusement park.
You have changed so much lately. Daddy and I were watching the video from your 1st birthday last night and it was amazing to us how much you've changed since then. Sometimes the change is so gradual that we miss it because we see you every day. The last 4 weeks have been a different story, though. You have become such a little man over the last month. You talk so much more and are getting really great at communicating what you are thinking and what you want. It makes life so much easier for us, but it's also so great to know what you've been thinking all this time and to really see your little personality. Several new, younger kiddos have started coming to your daycare and Debbie says it's amazing how you instantly figured out that you're the big kid now. You help her out and do your best to keep the babies entertained. It makes me so proud of you.
You have this laugh that is contagious. It will make everyone in the room stop dead in their tracks. It's loud and boisterous, and probably half real and half fake because you've learned the extra, over-the-top quality gets you more attention. And lately you've also decided that slapping your leg or the table or whatever is nearby in conjunction with this laugh is a great complement to the show. I give you credit, it is pretty hilarious.
Your personality seems to switch...I think you're still figuring out what works for you. Sometimes you are so laid back and nothing really bothers you. Just like your daddy. And then other times you have a quick temper and no patience. Just like me. Hmm, I'm not sure which I hope you stick with. I do love to see you get fired up when you want something...it's a good quality to have in life. But, I'd also love to see you have that even temperament like your daddy. It's one of the things I've always found most attractive about him. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. The only thing I know for sure is that we'll love you to pieces either way!
I know this next year is going to be a fun one! And undoubtedly it will go much faster than I'd like. I promise I will do my best to savor the small things. You are such an incredible blessing to me and I swear I love you more and more every day. Sometimes I just squeeze you in a big hug and it literally feels like my heart could burst. You have brought so much happiness to our lives.
Happy 2nd birthday sweet boy. We love you!

Mommy

The First Post

I’ve been telling myself for about 2 years now that I’m going to start this blog. I hope it will serve as a form of communication between my son and I- that he’ll be able to read it someday when he’s old enough to understand just how much he changed my world and just how proud and amazed I am to be his mom.
This week, the week following the 4th of July, now carries a lot of emotion for me. I find myself in awe of how truly lucky we are. Two years ago at this time I was very sick and didn’t know it. I went through the week feeling pretty terrible, but chalking it up to typical pregnancy side-effects. The next thing I knew, the symptoms were too severe to ignore. I was driving back from a meeting in Jeff City and finally decided I had to call the doctor. It was late in the day on a Friday, so she asked me to come into Labor and Delivery just to be checked out. I was annoyed. It was Friday night. Did she really think I wanted to spend my Friday night in the hospital when likely I had some embarrassing, albeit, severe gas? I actually debated not going. Thad thought it would be best to just go so we didn’t have to worry about it all weekend, so begrudgingly I agreed. We showed up at the hospital and they got me back pretty quickly. The nurse moved even more quickly once she saw me. You know when they ask you what your pain is on a scale of 1 to 10? I hate that question. I don’t know. What if I’m a wimp and my scale is totally different than a normal person’s scale. What if a 10 to me is a 2 to someone else? Well apparently I LOOKED like I was at a 10. (The sweet nurse later advised me, “honey, for future reference, THIS is a 10.”) I did all the standard testing they do when you show up at L&D. Pee in the cup, take your blood, take your blood pressure, and monitor for contractions. The next thing I knew my doctor was there. I remember thinking it was weird that she actually came in herself. And then I saw the nurse with the results of my test come in and I knew before she ever showed them to the doctor. I could see it in her eyes. Something was wrong. My doctor looked at the report and calmly told me that she was going to have to deliver this baby now. I had severe preeclampsia which had turned into HELLP syndrome. I questioned her. Now? Really? It’s too soon. I’m only 28 weeks. He won’t make it. Can you give him steroids before you induce me? She told me there was no time for that and that it would be a c-section and that Thad needed to get changed. I asked him to call our parents and my best friend and then the room became crazy. It was like a scene from a hospital television show. There were so many people in that room talking to me and working on me. They were shaving my stomach, pulling my hair back, removing my jewelry, hooking up IV’s and who knows what else. And then I was on my way. They rushed me down the hallway to the OR. The OR was the first time it was quiet since the 10 minutes before when the doctor saw the test results. Just me, the nurse who had admitted me and the antheselogist. This was the first time I actually had time to process what was about to happen. I sat up, bending over so they could prepare my back for the spinal block; the nurse stood in front me holding my hands. And I sobbed. And she cried right along with me and promised me he would be fine. I will never forget that. Thad came in dressed in his hazmat suit and the doctor was right behind him. Our parents were on their way, but no one would make it in time. It was quick and he came out crying. Such a little fighter from the get-go. He weighed 1 lb 10 oz and he was 13.5 in. long. I asked Thad to go with him to the NICU while they finished with me. Because my body was in such bad shape from the PE and HELLP, I couldn’t have the normal dose of spinal block, and it started to wear off as they were trying to put me back together. The pain was something I wish I could forget. Thad said he could hear me screaming from another room. They ended up putting me under. When I woke up Harper had already been taken to Children’s Mercy and our family and friends had all arrived. I was so confused. I mean I knew what had happened, but the drugs were making it so hard for me to grasp what was really happening. I was hoping it was a terrible dream. Thad’s parents had gone with Harper, which eased my mind. I hated that they had to take him to a different hospital, but Thad assured me he was in the best place possible. And it was Friday, and I should be getting out on Monday, so it wasn’t the end of the world. Until Saturday came and I seemed to be getting worse. And then Sunday came and things were still not improving. They decided to do a CT scan and found that a hematoma had formed between my liver and the capsule that surrounds the liver. I had no idea this was that big of a deal. I was wrong. My nurse told me that they were going to be moving me up to ICU. I was not happy with this. After all, I’d spent the weekend getting these girls wrapped around my finger. I’d joked with them and charmed them enough that they were finally responding to my pleas for water. Not just ice chips. Real, honest to goodness water. I’m telling you, they don’t deny prisoners of war water. But get admitted to the hospital and try to bribe a nurse for water and see how far you get. They take that shit seriously.
ICU was a whole different ballgame. I had a tiny room, so my family had to take turns with who could be with me and it was just in general, not a single bit of fun. I was in more pain than I can even describe. I had more teams of doctors treating me than I could even keep track of. OB, GI, Surgical, and who knows what else. They were debating transferring me to KU Med, where a more specialized surgical team could treat me. One morning after I’d been in ICU for a few days my surgeon showed up for rounds. I was by myself and he told me that I needed to understand the severity of my condition. This was life threatening. I was so groggy and sedated that I couldn’t quite process it. I knew what he was saying, but I couldn’t respond. I asked him if he would please have this conversation with my family because I wasn’t clear enough to explain to them what he was telling me. I think about that exchange often. I wish I would have told him that he needed to change his attitude and that he clearly didn’t know me. I had a brand new son who was across town fighting for his life, and I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to be there for him. But I didn’t. I just nodded my head and asked him to talk to my family. He ended up being my favorite doctor, by the way. He’s an amazing, kind man. We just got off on the wrong foot.
The whole time I was getting daily updates from family on Harper and how he was doing, which was beautifully. He was amazing everyone with how well he was progressing. I had Polaroid pictures of him taped to my hospital bed. A reminder to me and everyone who was treating me just how important it was to get me better and out of that hospital.
Finally after 13 days, Thad and I were taking a walk down the hallway. I had been moved to the mother/baby floor several days before. I heard what was inevitable. A baby crying. And that was it for me. I hadn’t cried since the day Harper was born, but I had hit my limit. It was so unfair that I was still in this hospital and my son was nearly 2 weeks old and I’d yet to see him. Thad got me to a waiting room where I cried the tears that I’d been holding back. The loud, ugly, this isn’t fair tears. And to my advantage, this episode of being dramatic was timed perfectly. That same surgeon who’d told me just a week before that I was in critical, life-threatening condition, walked past on his way to my room. He stopped in and sat with us. He asked me what was wrong and I told him simply that I needed to GO. I NEEDED to see my son. He agreed. Within minutes we could hear the other doctors assigned to my case being paged. He was takin’ care of business. I was released within hours. We stopped at home so I could shower and then went directly to Children’s. They let my parents stay back with us so they got to see me see my boy for the first time. I don’t even remember thinking he was that small. I just knew he was perfect and I was in love. This was the first day he was held. They saved that privilege for me.
Harper went on to spend 2 more months in the NICU, but he breezed through. Just grew and got stronger and stronger. Today you’d never know that he was a preemie. You’d never know that he and I both scared the crap out of everyone who loves us. But I know. I know how lucky we are. I thank God every night that he granted us with this outcome when so many other outcomes were completely possible.
And so that is why this week makes me emotional. I think about the pain that I suffered. I think about Harper in an isolette in the NICU. That he was born with his eyes still fused. That no one held him for the first 2 weeks of his life. But mostly I think about Thad. I think about the fear that was present in his eyes. The fatigue that showed on his face. I hate that he suffered more than Harper or I could ever imagine. I think about my parents driving like crazy people to get to Kansas City. And how my mom blamed herself because she had this gut feeling something was wrong for weeks but never said anything because she didn’t want to upset or worry me. But mostly I think about how very, very lucky we are. How incredibly we’ve been blessed. And how much I love this little boy.
And so that is why I go overboard for his birthday. Thad tells me I’m crazy. I think secretly he loves it just as much as I do. Every parent has something incredible to celebrate on their children’s birthdays. But, I feel like we know more than most just how incredible that day is, and how lucky we are to be able to celebrate it each year. And so it is. Harper’s 2nd birthday will be a circus theme. He proudly announces that he’s 2 and giggles with glee when we tell him his party is this weekend. It’s gonna be great!